Saturday, March 25, 2006

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

January to February. February to March. I'm counting it on my fingers and it has been two months sinced I've dared open the doors to the blog space. Why? Who the hell knows? Well, I have some ideas. I got this feeling that I should only write happy, smiley-face entries. I could hear in my head the many times adult people had told me when I wasn't an adult people, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

So I haven't. The thing about me is--the way the part of me that wants to say something nice arrives at the point of saying something nice is by allowing some of the not nice to find its splat of space too. Okay, I hear you saying, "But do you have to tell us everything? It is sooo depressing?" And you know, I don't have to and I haven't for two months. This past two months hasn't been overly visited by the smiley-faced fairy, and what I might have written here wouldn't have been pretty. Not at all.

I have conversations in the winter wilderness, during those chilled and sunless months, with God or whomever will listen to please keep my mood-meter at least on the moderate-to- operational level. I struggle with seasonal depression--it's kind of like spring allergies except you don't sneeze--your brain just goes into some odd incubation period for three months of the year. I try to cop a deal with God about borrowing the sun and putting it exactly inside my house for those months--who else really needs it as much as I do then--I think having the sun to myself for the winter would pretty much take care of seasonal anything.

Usually, by late March my brain tissue begins to thaw and all is well and all matter of things are well, or however that goes. So you've caught me in thawing mode--which I guess could be good or bad--but here I am, feeling better and looking at the daffodil my husband placed beside my computer this morning all contented in its crystal vase. Have you ever noticed how much some daffodils look like smiley faces? Now that is a scary spring-like thought for you.

So from my cocoon of winter slumber I say, "Hello, world!" Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for smiley faces even when I don't get them, even when I wish I could collect all the smiley faces in the world and distort their gleeful countenances. Everything is better after March 21--even though it's 32 degrees in Atlanta--I guess God did let me borrow the sun--I am well.

And to those adult people who told me to say nice things or not say anything at all when I wasn't an adult people, "Look, I finally did it." :-)

Happy Spring!